A Bachelor's Hope
by wousy wabbit
Summary: Edward always thought and belived he'd be alone until Alice reveals to him her first vision of Bella. 1 percent fluffish, 99 percent perverted. I hope it makes a lethal combination for an oneshot.


Edward relaxed casually on the sleek leather couch. He clutched the remote to 'the super big, super awesome TV' as Emmett would have said. Channel surfing was never fun. Most of the five hundred channels during this early in the morning were infomercials selling products people would never buy. About fifty of them were exercising machines with Chuck Norris' face on it. Just like any day, it was ordinarily boring. Suddenly a cold breeze swept in from the front door.

Alice's tiny frame was the blinding white silhouette emerging from harsh snow. He didn't notice her at first. She appeared slightly large due to her blue puffy jacket and because of the several shopping bags she carried underneath her arms. Seeing Alice made him smile. A comple more days alone would have driven him insane.

"Welcome back sis," he greeted with a friendly hug. "How was New York?"

"Great, great," she answered, almost like she ignored him.

"Hey where's Esme and Carlisle?" she asked as she walked through the empty hallways, searching for other signs of life.

"Motel," he replied coldly.

"Rosalie and Emmett?"

"Motel," he replied in the same tone.

She looked shocked. A hint of disgust were in her eyes. "Same one?"

"Of course not," he corrected. "We all know too well that they get too loud and feisty in the sack. They're about a few cities away."

"So that explains the painful moaning," she said relieved, "and all along I thought it was the Abdominal Snowman making the ruckus."

Edward replied the last answer before she could ask it.

"Jasper is not at a motel. He's been outside for days making snow-angels...naked."

She bit her lower lip, trying to suppress laughter. "That's so not Jazzy," she snickered delightfully. "What brought it up?"

"Rosalie told him to be more like Emmett and that was the best he could think of. Honestly, I think he's doing a pretty good job. You should join him before his nuts fall off from the frost," he encouraged with a hand pat to the arm.

Alice's cheerful face reverted into an unusual grim expression. He couldn't read her mind because of the newly shaped image of naked Jasper prancing around with the background music of Winter Wonderland. He thought he had insulted her, but she was happy about naked Jasper. _Maybe it was about the nuts, he thought._

"You don't have to join him," he frowned, thinking he caused something. "I thought that..." _you'd like some hankey-pankey like everybody else._

"Edward," she said seriously, "I had my first vision of your future mate, and I figured I should tell you first and alone. Originally I wasn't going without tell you so it could be a big surpise but. . . I've come to realize." She emphasized loudly, "YOUR OPINION COUNTS**.** So what do you think? Do you want to move to see your future girly or what?"

His mind scrambled to twists and knots, unable to say his thoughts immediately. "Who is she?. . .What does she like?. . .Is she a vegetarian, too ?"

She froze from the last question. She didn't want to tell him that his soul-mate, this girl, was human. She had to think of a lie for the meanwhile. So far Isabella AKA Bella was nearly a complete mystery. "Ummm-mmm," she stuttered.

Conviently for her, a group of giggling girls (from outside) ended their conversation. The two paused to listen carefully. He left his spot to peer suspiciously out the window.

He saw those girls shuffle tirelessly through the countless snow-angels and blankets of snow. They wanted to get closer to naked Jasper. Jasper wasn't worried about accidently killing them, or tramautizing them for life. He was worried about the improper reveal of his two precious jewls that dangle below. So he ran in a wobbling squatting position which was still amazingly fast.

"For the last time!" he shouted frightened. "I will not pose for pictures...not until I get some clothes on."

His special type of persuasion wasn't working. Apparently estrogen levels were higher than their blood pressure. For now, everybody near the proximity could only see Jasper's white ass, but his jittery wannabee lovers wanted more.

Alice reached for a brown wool blanket in one of the many shopping bags that covered the wooden floor. "I'm going to catch up with Jasper before he unwillingly cheats on me. Think about what I said. Will you?" she asked sincerely before shutting the door close.

"OK, OK," he muttered quickly. He pushed Alice slightly though it seemed like an angry violent slam. He was by himself again.

For a moment he wished he didn't have a sister like Alice to tell him what would happen so the experience with this girl could be more magical, more memorable. But without her, he would have never known, that he'll stop being alone.


End file.
